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"for what ails you"

The following questions derive from an actual job application. The answers themselves come from a group of job hunters who have probably been pounding the pavement too long and are overdue to be hired. Enjoy their irreverance, sarcasm and and sheer silliness as we wish them a safe return to reality and good jobs, too!

Job Application

Take some time to go through these questions, and answer any that you know the answer to, or can give some input on. Don’t bother to look up answers you don’t know, as we’re just trying to get to know your experience level and your thinking processes. Skip any that you don’t know or don’t want to answer.

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1. List some web sites that you’ve worked on, and a brief description of your involvement.

   Okay, but you have to be 18 or older to view them.

    

2. How many hours a day do you spend on the Internet?

   25

    

3. What are your favorite websites?

   Nothing.you'd.approve.of.com
   Mind.your.own.business.org

    

4. Which better describes you: technical or design-oriented?

   I swing both ways.

    

5. Describe any web applications that you have worked on.

   This questionnaire.

    

6. Do you work better in a group or as an individual?

   Yes, I do.

    

7. How much supervision/guidance do you like when working on a project?

   I need a team leader who'll hold my hand and gently squeeze till the juice drips out of my brains.

    

8. If your supervisor asks you to do something you’ve never done before, what is your reaction/process?

   Crap in my pants.

    

9. Do you like to do things the same way you’ve always done them, or try to find new ways to do things?

   I like to fix things that aren't broken.

    

10. What level of programming have you done? In what languages? Do you like programming?

    I have done just about every level of programming there is in languages current and passe. For me programming is like an incurable disease for which I hope they never find the cure!

     

11. Do you consider yourself a professional?

    Only when I get paid for my work.

     

12. Do you consider yourself smart?

    Nope. A smart person would never apply for this position.

     

13. What is your greatest weakness?

    Applying for jobs like this one.

     

14. What are your greatest strengths?

    I can endure even the dumbest of job applications.

     

15. List your top three priorities in life.

    Let me first get one of those and then I can tell you.

     

16. List your top three priorities in a job.

    Eat. Sleep. Did I mention eat?

     

17. Do you require a work Visa?

    Yes. Please provide me with your credit card numbers.

     

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